Germany's Stupid Awesome Big Brother Column
by Lani WonderZ
Summary: Tales of a young country, his awesome big brother and all those other guys...
1. Chapter 1

_Ever since my birth he had been there.  
I looked up to him, wanted to be like him.  
He was everything I knew, after all. _

"Guten Morgen!" Prussia grinned when I shuffled into the kitchen. It was half past six in the morning and it wasn't good at all. I rubbed my eyes and yawned simultaneously. He always woke up earlier than me and often taunted me with that. It didn't bother me, though. I was just a child therefore I needed a good amount of sleep. The first sunrays fell through the window and blinded me for a moment. I wrinkled my nose and sneezed.  
"What do you want for breakfast?" He smiled down at me. He was standing in front of the oven and wiped some flour off his cheek. He was in a surprisingly good mood today. My brother wasn't in high spirits very often; it either meant he had won an important battle or just had made other people suffer. He enjoyed annoying others very much and I was happy that for once I hadn't been his target. I was convinced, though, that Schadenfreude was invented in Prussia.  
"Whatever you are eating." I answered and climbed on my chair. Prussia nodded and turned his attention to the oven again. After a few minutes of mutual silence my eyelids grew heavy again. That was when my brother started humming. I flinched a little, taken by surprise. The tune was rather unmusical because –let's face it –Prussia couldn't sing. Or better: He _shouldn't_ sing. His voice was pretty unnerving. He was still busy in the kitchen area and left me to my thoughts a few meters away. I was bored but didn't want to fall asleep either. Prussia would scold me if I did. So I tried to focus on his melody and wondered if it was a song I knew. Now he added a few whispered words, giving me something to work with. I did know the song. It was The Prussian Song. He used to sing it to me when I couldn't fall asleep at night. I had been very young back then and even then I thought of his voice as uncomfortable. I had enjoyed it, though. Almost involuntarily I started rocking back and forth to the beat. When he reached the end of the second stanza my brother remained silent for a few seconds. He squatted down and with quick moves rescued two loafs from the hot oven's flames. He made some funny noises and hurried to the table, holding the fresh bread in his hands. He almost threw them on my plate and then rubbed his hands while wincing lowly. "Damn it, damn it, damn it! Hot! Aua!" he barked and touched his earlobes with the fingertips that were burnt the worst. That didn't seem to help, though. I suppressed a chuckle and reached for the knife. "Are you alright, brother?" I asked innocently while making myself a sandwich. He continued to curse under his breath and nodded slightly. He sat down next to me then and grabbed the jug waiting for him. I held out my own to him wordlessly. I was too busy with chewing to voice my request.  
"I'm not your maid, kid." He muttered but did as he was told. Obviously his good mood had disappeared. Too bad…  
He filled the two wooden cups, with beer for him and with milk for me. My throat was parched from the dry bread and the long night, so I immediately took a big mouthful from my mug. I blinked while I tried to understand the weird taste on my tongue. Then realization hit me. I spat the fluid all over the floor and table. I heard Prussia's angered order to stop but I had better things to do, like choking. I practically threw myself at him and lunged for the jug in his hands. I emptied it with five draughts. Gasping and hiccupping I sat on his lap and made a mess out of our clothes. "Hey, have you lost it?" Brother growled and tore my lips away from the brim of the cup.  
"You stupid brother!" I yelled back at him. "You gave me your disgusting beer to drink!" The milk wasn't enough to wash the bitter flavor out of my mouth and now my shirt was covered in that stinking stuff as well. I stuck out my tongue at him accusingly and tried to clean it with my bare hands. Prussia grabbed my waist and sat me on the floor with a groan. He rose to his feet and towered over me with blazing red eyes.  
"Beer is never disgusting." He said with a voice as cold as ice.  
"Then what did I drink right now? Because that tasted like crap!" I shot back, still utterly shocked at the thought that I just had drunken alcohol. Children weren't allowed to drink alcohol. My comment somehow seemed to amuse him, against all odds. He chuckled and tousled my hair playfully. Then Prussia winked and gave me a rather mysterious look, "You will learn to love it."


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't want to…"

"Spare me. We've talked about it, Germany. You have to get to know your neighbors. You can't just sit at home and watch the others. You have to go out and see if you can form an alliance with someone. You aren't strong enough to fend for yourself yet. You need an ally." Prussia preached for the fourth time. We were walking, rather marching, down a small street and he held my hand in a tight grip. I had tried to run away before so he refused to let go of me now.

"I thought you were there to protect me." I grumbled and kicked a few pebbles out of my way. I pouted but my perfect display of discomfort was utterly ignored.

"I am, but I have better things to do than babysitting you. Now look as though you were happy." He instructed briefly when we approached the small house that seemed to have been built on nothing but naked barren land. The garden was an old scarecrow and a little square of half-dead wheat. My brother pulled me closer to his side and stopped in front of the door. Then he knocked three times and gestured me to smile. He obviously enjoyed my unhappiness. Creaking the door opened.

"Who's there?" a young, yet fierce, voice growled.

"It's the awesome me!" Prussia chirped, "And I brought Germany along." In response I rolled my eyes.

"Ah… Fine, get in." the person, hidden in the shadows of his home replied and opened the door a bit wider. Now I could see who the owner of this small cottage was. In the frame stood a blonde boy with piercing green eyes and a frown that probably was carved into his forehead. He was a little taller than me but that was just because he was older than me. Switzerland was his name.

My brother pulled at my hand and when I didn't move he simply pushed me inside. I stumbled a little, thanks to the rough treatment.

"Okay, you two. Now become friends." Prussia said and headed for the exit. I needed a second to understand. Then I gasped: "What? You're leaving? No!"

I grabbed his coat and helplessly pulled at it. I didn't want to be left alone with this mountain guy.

"Damn it, kid. I have a meeting with Spain and France. I'll pick you up afterwards." He promised. Then he disappeared. I glared at the closed door. I couldn't believe he just left me here. But I also knew that France and Spain were his friends… sometimes. Maybe they had to plot something important and I would just be in their way.

"Ehm… Do you want to play something?" The boy asked. I shot a glance over my shoulder, "Now that I can't get out of here…Sure. Why not?"

Switzerland nodded but didn't say anything.

"What do you want to play?" I tried to break the silence. He seemed like an okay guy but he wasn't very social.

"How about… something thrilling?"

I laughed out loud. "Something thrilling? Like what?"

"How about… 'War'?" Switzerland grinned. I blinked and tilted my head to the left.

"You can't play war." I tried to argue but he already had picked up two long sticks from a basket by the fireplace and held one out to me. I raised an eyebrow doubtfully but took it anyway.

"It's just a game, Germany." He rolled his eyes and whirled his provisional weapon around. I shrugged and imitated his motion.

"Don't cry when I whip your ass with this." I sneered. Those words I had learned from my brother and he said that they were great for intimidating enemies.

Switzerland grumbled something and then charged at me. His attack was very direct so I could block it without problems. Now I was grateful for the fighting lessons Prussia had forced on me. The rest of the day was actually quite enjoyable after all. Switzerland and I played tag, ate chocolate and taught each other new words. When the sun set we were lying on his bed and talked about our plans for the future. He crossed his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling.

"I just want to live peacefully and watch over my Alps and meadows. I simply don't want to be bothered with all those battles and wars." He muttered now, lost in his thoughts. I glanced at him for a second.

"Are you afraid of losing?" I teased and sat up. I could see his face flush bright red as he let out an outraged snort.

"O-Of course not! I just want to live in peace." He insisted sternly without looking at me. He frowned, "Germany, what about you? What are your plans, hm?"

I needed a moment to think about that. Did I have plans for my future? The first thing that came to my mind was my brother. I wanted to make him proud, I guessed. I shrugged casually and answered: "I want to become strong and mighty, just like my brother. He is awesome, you know?"

"Yeah, I heard of that." Switzerland sighed, a little annoyed.

"I want vast land, an invincible army, wealth and all riches of the world. I will become the greatest country this world has ever seen, no matter what!" I exclaimed; excited by the sheer idea of what lay ahead of me. Brother would be so proud of me! He would praise me!

"Were you created to fight, too? You sound like that." Switzerland said and rolled over to look me in the eye.

"Created to fight?" I echoed. "No, I don't think so. I was created to unify the several powers in central Europe. Big Brother had a hard time building my home. I'm very grateful to him."

"Austria was created to fight…" he whispered; to himself, I supposed. Still I raised my head. "Austria? That guy in the south-east?"

"Ja…"

"What do you think of him?" I asked. He didn't answer, just shook his hand in a so-so manner. I hadn't met the country yet, but Prussia sometimes talked, or rather complained, about him and a guy named Hungary. These two seemed to be quite the bothersome duo.

"Anyway, I will become the best and strongest and biggest country in the world, because my brother teaches me plenty of useful things." I nodded, full of self-confidence.

"It must be nice to have a sibling. I wish I had a brother or sister to take care of." The boy next to me yawned and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. "I'm always alone..."

"Sorry about that." I muttered because I felt like this was the appropriate thing to do. I never knew how to handle people pouring their hearts out to me. I always ended up feeling awkward and impolite. Not that many people came to me for that, I was just a child.

It was past ten when we heard someone knocking at the door. We already had thought of worst-case-scenarios and what to do if they actually happened. Switzerland had said I could stay at his home for the night and I thought this was very friendly, considering we just had met today.

"I bet that's my brother." I sighed and felt like a giant burden just fell off my shoulders. I had acted as if I wasn't worried at all but the truth was that I really had been terrified something might have happened to Prussia. Switzerland nodded and went to let him in. I followed after him.

Prussia leaned in the frame with an oddly relaxed smile. His cheeks were flushed and his pupils were definitively widened. I pulled my eyebrows together and groaned. At least he hadn't forgotten about me, I tried to console myself.

"Germany-ny…-ny!" He exclaimed and waved at me. I lowered my gaze in shame. He was drunk again. Switzerland shot me a pitying look and smiled encouragingly. It didn't help much, though.

"Tschüss." He mumbled.

"Tschüss…" I grabbed my coat hanging on the hook at the wall and took my brother's hand, "Come, brother. Mind the step."

He staggered a little when I turned around with him and lead the way home. The whole time he sang old war songs and told me how awesome he was. I tried to ignore him. It was so embarrassing to see him act like this.

"A-And never forget, Germany-ny-ny, you mustn't turn your back o-on France-y-pants. He might see it as an invitation." He hiccupped and barked a nasty laugh very loudly. His statement confused me.

"As an invitation for what, brother?" I asked, even though I had a bad feeling about it. Prussia leaned to one side dangerously and I had to throw myself into the opposite direction to keep him on his feet. He giggled again and patted my shoulder. "For things like this…" he spoke drunkenly and I could feel his fingers slid down my spine. I stiffened and my insides transformed into a tight knot. I felt the heat coming to my face and the palms of my hands getting sweaty but I just couldn't move.

He put his lips against my ear as if he wanted to tell me a secret while his wily fingers invaded my waistband. "Naughty things…" he whispered hoarsely. His breath made me sick, it smelled like alcohol and smoke. But it also woke me from my motionlessness. I mobilized all my strength in a desperate effort to get away from him and simply punched him in the face. That day I learned two things. Firstly: Punching someone in the face freaking hurts! And secondly: Drunken people have little to no sense of balance. If I had hit him and he had been sober he wouldn't even have flinched but like this he stumbled a few steps backwards and then landed in the ditch by the street. I held my breath and stared at him with widened eyes and a furiously pounding heart. A few seconds later I heard his gentle snoring. That jerk-off had fallen asleep on me!

He couldn't fall asleep now; I yet had to yell all those insults at his face. I embraced myself as if to shield me from the weird moment that just had passed. I couldn't leave Prussia like this. I slid down the precipice and squatted down next to him. He lay on his back and had all his limbs stretched out. A trickle of blood ran from his mouth. Maybe he had bitten his tongue when I punched him. I cursed myself for the immediate regret and sting of guilt I was feeling at this sight. It was his own fault, I thought to myself. He shouldn't have touched me like this, damn it! My breathing sped remembering his hand on my backside. Never before I had experienced something as repulsive as this; it just had felt so terribly wrong. I shook my head at the fresh memory and sat down next to him. He wouldn't wake up before tomorrow morning and I couldn't leave him here, so my decision was made. I lay down and snuggled up to him, not because I forgave him, but because it was very cold and his body was so warm. I closed my eyes and did my best to ignore the smell of beer that invaded my nostrils. Suddenly Prussia moved. He rolled over, so that we lay face to face, and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I scrutinized his calm features with a frown. At first I was a little intimidated but then I didn't care.

I wouldn't get much sleep tonight, though…


End file.
